Greetings from Assrazzle Park. I just quit my day-job as a proofreader for the mob. Can you find the missing apostle? That’s him over by the beer keg. He just put his leg through his chin and began saving up for alimony.
I’ve been accused of a lot of things. Once I was accused of having sex with a dolphin. As it turns out, it was true, only my chin hurt too much to admit it. Then Miss Tuttweiller inquired as to my fitness for dragging kids through dust and spray-painting “finished” across their foreheads. I said, “Sure, I can do that. How many quid will you pay me?” She laughed and carefully shot me.
Some are considered geniuses. They have a license to act like a weirdo. The rest of us must be content to polish apples and wait for God to leave us his droppings. Some prude is gonna read this and think I have blasphemed a rock that he stuck on a wall and called Life. He’ll wander around screaming until his face is red then end up in the porno section of the local bookstore. Then there are the types who eat apples for health reasons. Or who watch Martin Landau because he was once British.