Greetings from Assrazzle Park

Greetings from Assrazzle Park. I just quit my day-job as a proofreader for the mob. Can you find the missing apostle? That’s him over by the beer keg. He just put his leg through his chin and began saving up for alimony.

I’ve been accused of a lot of things. Once I was accused of having sex with a dolphin. As it turns out, it was true, only my chin hurt too much to admit it. Then Miss Tuttweiller inquired as to my fitness for dragging kids through dust and spray-painting “finished” across their foreheads. I said, “Sure, I can do that. How many quid will you pay me?” She laughed and carefully shot me.

Some are considered geniuses. They have a license to act like a weirdo. The rest of us must be content to polish apples and wait for God to leave us his droppings. Some prude is gonna read this and think I have blasphemed a rock that he stuck on a wall and called Life. He’ll wander around screaming until his face is red then end up in the porno section of the local bookstore. Then there are the types who eat apples for health reasons. Or who watch Martin Landau because he was once British.

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About nosuchthingasastraightline

I grew up in tiny Lyme, New Hampshire, where I drew, roamed the surrounding woods, and first entertained the idea of God while listening to my mom's Beatles records. I studied biology at Harvard University where I wrote for The Harvard Lampoon and also began writing poetry. I have since made a living variously as a comedy screenwriter, teacher, and private tutor in math, science and writing. I’ve released three CDs of original music as the singer-songwriter and guitar player for Crooked Roads (listen to latest tracks here: https://soundcloud.com/crooked-roads). My poetry writing has been inspired by Rumi, Billy Collins, William Carlos Williams, e.e. cummings, Antonio Machado, Federico Garcia Lorca, and others. My two books of poetry, "The Morning I Married the Sky," and “Free this Morning” are both available on Amazon.
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